Three

Why cant you see the pain you cause?

You left, but the door has always been left open

Hoping you would return to the loving arms.

I know life hasn’t been easy, and that the bond we have hasn’t always been what it was

but please don’t leave me,

you made a promise that you would stay.

if that is all you ever keep, keep that promise to me.

But i cant make your decisions, neither can your family.

honestly only you can pick yourself up.

no matter how much others try to help you. it comes down to you. and your choice.

what is a sister, you ask?

I could have answered that maybe four years ago.

I use to believe so strongly in our bond, but blood isnt everything.

One cut and its easy to let it all go and forget about life.

you have always been the attention, competative, the center, all revolving around you.

You are selfish instead of selfless. Its hard being selfless especially when everyone else around is being selfish too.

you are the one person that causes so much pain.

and the worst is we cant even talk about it, and it hurts me. it hurts my family. it hurts YOUR family.

but what is family?

its just what you make it.

what have you made it?

The Girl Missing Pieces

I took you to my secret place.

Far away, a haven from the storms.

My place no one else knew about.

But you convinced me to share it with you,

“Trust me, it will be okay. I promise.”

I believed you.

I open the gate to my garden

And as we walk through,

You are struck by my secret place,

You gape at the beauty within my walls.

 

The trees whisper out to me

“don’t show him anymore/he will be a lost piece/ you will lose this place/”

My brain chose to ignore but my heart knew the trees where right.

We walk further, coming to sit together on the swing.

you gape at the beauty within my walls.

 

The wind howls out to me over the steady trees steady whispering,

“Throw Caution”

Swinging gently back and forth, we stare out into the night.

I turn to look at you,

to engrave this moment for forever.

 

“Listen” I say as I open my palm to greet your hand as I grasp it to mine.

The bench swing weeps reach my ears as our hands meet,

I feel you jerk and almost pull away because you weren’t expecting

what I shared with you.

I opened your eyes and ears to my secret place’s real beauty the voices of the garden around us. You were able to hear the winds howl, the trees whisper and the swings weeping as it gently sways us.

 

You look at me with a smile that tore my heart to shreds,

you pull back from me taking my place with you.

I can no longer hear the swings cries, the wind is no longer howling in my ears.

I let go of my place, so that you can have this special piece of me.

I trust you, to care for it.

But you stand with the piece of me in your hand,

walking away from me, with no words to why.

 

You turn to look at me,

really see me one last time, you close the gate.

You let go of the piece of me,

and my tree whispers out on last time “why did you let us go/ he isn’t worth all you will suffer”

I run out the of the gate to look for my lost piece, but just as I go to grab it

the piece begins to fade, and I turn back to watch my secret place dissolve into the night.


Wishing I could take it all back, if only I had listened.

trying_to_find_a_place_where_all_the_broken_pieces_fit_together-390416

In Spite of Everything

A couple decided to celebrate their fortieth wedding anniversary with a quiet evening for two. After a nice dinner, the wife picked up a champagne glass, looked lovingly into her husband’s eyes, and began her toast with these words: “In spite of everything.” Maybe that wife was right on target.

Love,  in the long run, is more endurance than excitement, more decision than delight, more commitment than infatuation. Love at first sight is easy to understand. It’s when two people have been looking at each other for forty years that love becomes a miracle. If we can know each other’s faults and failures, experience each other’s weaknesses and worries, endure each other’s obsessions and obligations, and in spite of everything, still off a toast of respect and admiration, we may finally know the nature of real love. True love endures all things, believes all things, hopes all things. True love never ends.

On my trip to Kentucky, My time in Corbin led to the listening to the radio, and hearing this devotion by pastor Weyman McGuire. It was such a great devotion, that I had to email him and discuss it with him. True love never ends, hope for the eternal.

The Ticking Clock

A lost world in time,
the lays a girl in soft grass
staring
into the twinkling night sky
wishing
to start her life over.

She lost her way traveling to the stars,
she got stuck,
just below
and
out of
reach.

Unsure what she should do,
She just watches the world around
listening to the tick and tock of time speeding……………….. by…………………….
without
her.

Stars

Taking the LEFT ROAD is the RIGHT PATH

WordPress Post A Day – ‘Tis the season for road trips — if time and money were out of the equation, what car-based adventure would you go on? (If you don’t or can’t drive, any land-based journey counts.)

I truly enjoy road trips! my family: parents five sisters and my two brothers have been to 28 STATES.  and we plan to visit each as a family. But honestly traveling in a fifteen passenger van cross country can take a tense toll on any family. So If time and responsibility were out of the equation I would just drive, no Electronics/Technology. Only a paper map 🙂 and just drive, stop when I need to use the bathroom or eat food. Visit where just I want too, any place that looks interesting. This type of road trip is the best to clear the mind and ground yourself again. Find a cute small town, shack up for a while and get a job for a time to try it out.  Honestly the freedom to make my own choices without having to be responsible or considerate of others feelings would be the best road trip. 

*I have changed the prompt from “time and money” to “time and responsibility”, because I feel “Travel while you’re young, and able. Don’t worry about the money, just make it work. Experience is far more valuable than money will ever be.” At this age this is what I live by. I still go to school full time and I work but I save that money so I can travel instead of buying materialistic items because those only last for a short time, memories last a life time! 

Stand and Listen to the shadows

Standing still in the early morning, I think about the nights I spent counting back the days to when I was last by your side. If, only you weren’t so far away.  But the cold granite stone is as close as I will get to by you side. The January chill in the air froze my heart, as I look at the untreded layer of snow upon the ground; I remember a morning just like this one.

A fresh fluffy blanket of white snow was covering the early January morning. The crunching of snow breaks the nature’s silence, as crisp black shoes scar the white snow with a print that cannot be undone. The figures dressed in all black walk silently to the church on the hill, a few acknowledge the young lady dressed in white standing watching others tear the blanket of snow. Many figures past by without acknowledging her presence walking through the heavy church doors to their pews.

                That young lady, dressed in white, quietly and slowly is the last to take the walk to the church on the hill.  At a closer glance, she walks stepping in previous footsteps in the snow, not wanting to wound anything else. The day is pained enough all ready. As she reaches the heavy oak doors she is reminded of a tree that will remain but not the hands that planted it have withered away and will soon turn to dust once buried. 

                Pulling the heavy doors open, she tugs her ripping heart tighter as the gentle weeping and moaning reach her numb ears. Her eyes immediately fall on the open casket in the center of the church, and she is unable to move as she watches the face she so loved be slowly closed from her view for the last time. As the casket is closed she takes a place in the comforting shadows of the last pew.

 

I wish I had those comforting shadows now.